For I am ready to die…
The secrets I have found to be… the hardships I have faced, the trials of my life time. I can pass away peacefully knowing I have lived and am loved by others. I am ready, but not yet, no not yet, there is much to do.

I do not like to deal with pain. I really do not want to feel pain at all. No more broken arms, no more broken relationships, no more broken dreams. I know this and because I do I cannot leave yet. I must stay for a very long time.

I trust people to be as they are. I also think that many people also do not like to deal with pain. I see it in their eyes. This is why I must stay. To alleviate some of that pain. If I am able to stand by my loved ones as other loved ones pass away, to support them in their pain till their dieing day. And to live with that pain, to live past the time of my mother, my father, my sisters, my wife, my kids, my friends. To live past all the people who are closest to me is my goal. The pain I would feel would be immense, but by feeling this pain I would be able to justify it by declaring openly it is the pain of love. Being able to live past all my loved ones would give me the knowledge that they are in a better place. That they are waiting in the forests of the spirits, waiting for my time, my time of honour in which I would be allowed by the greater lords to join them in that grove of peace. I would also rest being able to know that those closest to me did not have to feel the pain of my passing.

When I pass away, there is one thing I want. I want to be surrounded by my grandchildren and people who have felt my hand of love touch their lives. I want my grandchildren from young to old and for them to know who I am, and who I was, and the good things I stood for in my life. For them to be able to stand by my bedside, with no pain at my passing, knowing that I lived my life to it’s fullest, smiled more than one man should be allowed to, laughed with the people I cared about more than was necessary,  that I lived past the time that was required of me so that they could know me better. For their own good, I hope that they know who I was and that who I was had a impact on them, that what I stood for is imbued in all people I touch, my pain, my anger and my conscious has played a part in creating their world into a better place. I want my grandchildren to be by my bed side, to be able to know me. I want this for me.

This is my manifesto, my terms of my life.

Dama Hause Kual Hause